Friday, 3 March 2017
Dealing with Overwhelm
Motherhood is an amazing journey -- it has its highs and its lows, its moments of pure joy and, on the other hand, pure frustration. One of the most difficult things you can experience as a mother is overwhelm.
What is overwhelm? Well, in my own personal history with it, it's when things in your life get so busy and crazy, and you've put so many expectations on yourself and your children, that you end up feeling like it's all just too much.
I recently went through a spell of overwhelm. My twenty-month-old is getting his two-year molars in, so he's not feeling the best. He's keeping me up a lot of the night to nurse, and he's going through a super clingy stage where even when I go upstairs for a few minutes, and he's safe with his dad and sister, he screams like I'm abandoning him for life! And my daughter is going through some issues of her own -- the normal five-year-old things that come up, like copping a bit of attitude and testing boundaries by arguing.
I'd taken the kids to visit my parents for two days, since my sister and her husband had also come in, and we hadn't seen them since before Christmas. The first day there, my sister, mom and I took my son for a shopping day at the mall. We left my daughter with her grandfather, who always does a great job of looking after her.
Needless to say, my son's teething and separation anxiety made the whole trip to the mall hurried, unpleasant and extremely frustrating. I couldn't even go into the change room, and leave him for a few seconds (just a few feet away) with my mom and sister, without him having a screaming fit. Shopping is usually so fun and relaxing for me, but not this time! My mom and sister did what they could to help with him, but I think we were all thankful when we were back at Grandma and Grandpa's.
The following day was more of the same. I was having issues with my daughter, in that she really wanted to go to McDonald's for lunch, whereas we all wanted to go somewhere we could sit down and relax and eat real food. Thank goodness that Lent is here, and we've given up sugar and fast food, because I really feel like I was starting to give in too much to childish whims and catering far too much to exactly what my daughter wanted instead of exercising my parental autonomy over her.
The next day, I took the kids to Mass for Ash Wednesday before heading home. All I can say is thank goodness that the church in my parent's town has a separate place for parents to take their children when they're feeling rambunctious, because it was not a very relaxing time.
By the time I got back home, I was feeling so overwhelmed. I was snapping at the kids and I, myself, was copping an extremely bad attitude (which in no way helped my daughter to have a good attitude of her own -- she learns from me, after all!). I was even grumpy with my husband, when all he was trying to do was help me get to a better place.
So, I took some time to myself. I read a post on a mommy blog that dealt with the feelings of overwhelm, and I realized it was all completely normal (which I knew deep down, but sometimes it's really helpful to hear it from someone else who has been there). And I prayed, and started to feel better.
Now that we're back home and back to a normal routine, I feel much better. I also feel better because every morning I am spending time with God in prayer. I really feel like this strengthens me for whatever challenges I may face at any time during my day and my parenting journey. And I feel really good that I took the time to apologize to my husband and my daughter. I explained to them that I was feeling overwhelmed, but that it wasn't right for me to take a bad attitude with them, and I promised to work hard to keep a kind and loving attitude even when frustrated.
My kids are still going through things -- as I am. My baby boy is still teething and waking up at all hours. Boo is still working on having a better attitude. But I am now in a much better place. I can now model a positive, kind attitude. My biggest takeaway from this is that I need to let go and let God. I can't do it all. When my kids are going through things, I need to take some other things off the table and be there for them -- they are my priority! If it means spending less time on my writing, or on keeping the house looking perfect, so be it. There will be plenty of time for that later.
Embrace the chaos, don't fight it. Nothing lasts forever -- not difficult stages kids go through, and not this blessed time being the mother of two little ones. They'll grow up before I know it, and I'll miss the chaos. So I'll embrace it now.